Xone of Contention Page 5

  Edsel perked up. “I’m not much on the geography of Xanth. But isn’t Castle Roogna south of the Gap Chasm?”

  “For sure. Chlorine arranged for a roc bird to carry us there. It should be a nice trip.”

  “That’s tomorrow?” Pia asked. “Is Castle Roogna by the shore?”

  “No, it’s inland.”

  “Then why am I seeing the shore, tomorrow?”

  That made the girl paused. “Gee, I don’t know. Unless maybe we ask the roc to take us to the Isle of View or something.”

  “The what?”

  “It’s an island named View. Very romantic. Prince Dolph and Princess Electra got married there.” Breanna smiled. “I hear it was quite an event, because neither one of them knew how to signal the stork. But they must have figured it out, because the stork delivered twins.”

  “I wonder if there’s an Isle of View II,” Edsel mused, his tone indicating that this was supposed to be funny. “For the second time around.”

  Pia figured it out: Isle of View I Love You. And I Love You Too. Romantic by definition. She didn’t want to go there with Edsel; he would get ideas. So she would insist on the original tour, to that castle.

  She looked at the future again. It hadn’t changed. They were still wandering along that stupid shore.

  “There’s a sign,” Edsel said, looking ahead.

  The sign said RESTLING-BOXING-SOCKER. An arrow indicated another side path.

  “That’s probably not—” Breanna began. But Edsel was already heading down it.

  “He’s like that,” Pia said with resignation. “Impulsive to a fault.”

  Breanna shrugged. “The side path’s enchanted, so it should be safe. But these diversions aren’t always what you expect.”

  “This is true,” Justin remarked.

  They followed Edsel down the path. They came to a region where several men, women, and children were lying on the ground. They weren’t sleeping, just lying.

  “You folk okay?” Edsel asked.

  “Of course,” the nearest man said. “We are restling.”

  “Wrestling?”

  “Restling. We are finding out who can laze around the longest. The winner gets to do it again tomorrow.”

  “As we said,” Breanna murmured.

  But Edsel was already going on to the next. This turned out to be a group of people making boxes as quickly as they could. Boxing.

  “Have you seen enough?” Pia asked in a moderately withering way.

  “The Socker should be better,” he said, moving on.

  It wasn’t. People were hurling stinking used socks at each other. The winner was evidently the one who could overcome the others with the intoxicating fumes. Several people were gasping on the ground, and others had purple faces.

  “Go ahead, get in the contest, Ed,” Pia suggested sweetly. “You could win hands down. Or maybe feet down.”

  He shot her a dark look. “You shouldn’t try humor; it’s not your forte.”

  But both Breanna and Justin seemed to be possessed of aspects of a smile.

  They returned to the main path. There at the juncture was a female form so luscious it seemed like a crime. Edsel’s gaze was immediately locked, and so was Justin’s.

  Pia exchanged a glance of annoyance with Breanna. Men were so superficial.

  “Hi,” Edsel said, approaching the figure.

  “’Lo,” the figure responded in a sultry manner. That was all there was; it was swathed in a toga-like wrapping of scintillating cloth, so that only the hourglass outline could be made out.

  “What can I do for you?” Edsel asked eagerly. He was such a fool about women.

  The figure began unwinding the cloth. Soon the face would be exposed. “I thought I might ask one tiny little favor.”

  “We’re not looking to do favors,” Breanna said. “We’re a special party touring Xanth. So if it’s all the same to you—”

  “By no means,” the figure said in dulcet tones. “It is very miscellaneous for me.”

  “It is what?” Edsel asked.

  “Unlike, altered, contrary, deviant—”

  “Different?”

  “Whatever,” she agreed crossly.

  “The Demoness Metria!” Justin exclaimed. “I have heard of you. The demoness with a speech impediment.”

  The opening hood turned to him. “You have an obstruction with that?”

  “A what?”

  “Problem,” Breanna snapped. “No, we don’t have a problem with that. But we’re not in the business of favors.”

  “Fortunately I wasn’t asking you,” Metria said, exposing her lovely face. “I was asking these handsome gentlemen.”

  “Anything,” Edsel breathed raptly.

  “Not anything,” Breanna said. “We have other business.”

  Pia wondered why the girl was being so negative. The strip tease was annoying, but didn’t seem to warrant such emphatic denial.

  The demoness unwrapped some more. Her sculptured slender neck came into view, and the first divine upper swell of her gently heaving bosom. “I thought if you were touring Xanth anyway, you could take along my darling Ted.”

  “Ted?” Edsel asked foolishly, his mind evidently on that swell rather than her words.

  “My baby. You have no idea what I went through to get him delivered. But now Demon Ted is three, and wants to explore Xanth.” Her rose-petal mouth quirked. “Without his cadaver.”

  “His what?”

  She unwound some more. “Corpse, carcass, deceased, embalmed, bandaged—”

  “Mummy!” Pia said, before thinking. “His mummy.”

  “Whatever,” the demoness agreed crossly. She unwound some more, baring an unbelievable bosom barely covered by a translucent halter, and proceeding down to a waist that was three sizes smaller than impossible.

  “Sure, anything,” Edsel agreed, his eyes spiraling down in concert with the unraveling winding.

  “Acquiescence,” Justin agreed.

  “We’re in for it now,” Breanna muttered darkly.

  “And of course his inseparable friend of the same age, DeMonica,” Metria continued as the winding bared her expanding hips.

  “Why not,” Edsel said.

  “What’s wrong with three year olds?” Pia asked Breanna. “Not that I care.”

  “They’re half demon,” Breanna said tersely. “Ted has a human father and demoness mother, while Monica has a demon father and human mother. They’re cute, but worse than any human children can be.”

  “Well, let the menfolk take care of them. They’re the ones who are slavering.”

  “You ever see worse incompetence than a man with a baby?”

  “Point made. The job will fall to us.”

  “For sure.”

  Meanwhile Metria was winding down to her splendid thighs. “That creature could irk me, if she made the effort,” Pia remarked.

  “And she’s not even trying.”

  “So you folk will keep good eyes on them, and not let them get into any mischief?” the demoness asked as her long symmetrical legs appeared. Their juncture was covered by another trifle of haze.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Edsel agreed. Pia wasn’t sure, but it almost seemed that his eyeballs were smoking.

  “Excellent!” Metria stepped out of the last winding. “Just for that, I’ll show you my—”

  “Don’t show them your panties!” Breanna cried.

  The demoness paused. “Why not? Aren’t they of age? They will earn the glimpse.”

  “Because it will freak them out, and they won’t be able to do the job.”

  Metria considered. “You do have a prong.”

  “A what?” Pia asked, again before she thought.

  “Pin, spur, tine, spike—”

  “Point?”

  “Whatever. So I’ll just leave the little darlings.”

  The demoness gathered up the strewn winding, dissolved into smoke, and separated into two blobs. The blobs dropped to the ground, dissipated, and r
evealed two children.

  “I’m Ted,” the boy said. He wore a little frilly pink dress with matching feminine sandals. His blond hair was tied with a red ribbon.

  “I’m Monica,” the girl said. She wore blue shorts and matching sneakers. She had large brown eyes, a turned up nose, and short brown hair.

  But they were indeed cute. “Uh, haven’t you gotten something confused?” Pia asked them.

  The children looked at each other. Then they laughed together, and their clothing started to change. Soon he wore the shorts and she wore the dress. Her hair also lengthened to support the red ribbon, while his shortened.

  Edsel came out of his haze. “What happened?” he asked.

  “A demoness smoked your eyeballs,” Breanna said. “Now we have a chore.”

  “Oh, yeah,” he agreed vaguely.

  “Let’s explore!” Ted cried, dashing off. Monica followed.

  “Stay on the path!” Breanna called after them.

  Monica paused, looking back. “Why?”

  “Because you’re half human. If a dragon chomps you, you’ll feel it. A dragon can’t get you on the enchanted path.”

  The child made a cute moue. “Awww, okay.”

  “At least they will listen to reason,” Pia said.

  “For the moment. We’ll have watch closely, though.” The girl glanced at Pia. “Sorry about this. I tried to stop it, but—”

  “But the men were idiots,” Pia said. She liked Breanna better as she got to know her; she was just trying to do her job.

  They followed the children.

  “Hey, there’s a B,” Ted said, pointing.

  “It’s a rate,” Monica agreed.

  “What are they talking about?” Pia asked.

  “The B’s make the people they sting emotional,” Justin explained. “A B-rate would make a person scold others.”

  Pia grimaced. “Sorry I asked.”

  “There’s a Joy stick,” Ted said, pointing to a little column beside the path.

  “No, it’s a Sad stick,” Monica said. Indeed, the stick did look droopy.

  They rushed on, losing interest, while the human party tried to keep up.

  “Where are we going?” Pia asked Breanna.

  “We thought you’d like to see some of the routine sights of Xanth. Like a tangle tree, a dragon, a centaur—sort of starting out easy.”

  “That will do,” Pia agreed. “Aren’t some of those dangerous?”

  “Not as long as we stay on the enchanted path.”

  “Suppose those little demons run off it?”

  “That’s one reason I didn’t want them along. But probably they’ll stay close. Otherwise Metria wouldn’t have left them. She does care; she has half a soul.”

  “Half a soul?”

  “Demons don’t have souls, because they are souls,” Breanna explained. “When you use your soul as a body, it gets degraded, and you lose its finer aspects. So they don’t have much conscience, and they can’t really love. But Metria got a taste of what souled life was like, and got a hankering, and finally married a mortal man and got half his soul. It’s sort of a convention; a demon who marries a mortal can have the better half. Then she has a conscience, and can love, in a half-donkeyed way.”

  “But what of the man? Can he get along with only half a soul?”

  “Oh, sure. It regenerates, in mortals. Not right away; I think it takes several months. But in time it will be whole again. It doesn’t regenerate in demons, but for one of them, half a functioning soul is infinitely more than what they’re used to, so they don’t miss the rest.”

  “What about the little demons?”

  “They’re half human, so I think they have whole souls.” The girl paused. “Though I’ve heard of a demoness losing her soul when she had a mortal child; the baby gets it. So I guess I’m not sure. Maybe the offspring have quarter souls.”

  Pia was curious. “Maybe we can find out. We can ask the children.”

  “Yeah.” Breanna put two fingers to her mouth and whistled.

  The children paused in their running. “We didn’t do anything,” Ted protested guiltily.

  “For sure. I just want to ask you something.”

  They came back, somewhat warily. “Real people aren’t supposed to lie,” Monica said.

  “I’m not lying,” Breanna said. “But it seems that you’ve been into some mischief I should ask you about also.”

  “Oh, no!” Ted said. “Only one question.”

  “The first one,” Monica agreed.

  “I’ll ask the second one,” Pia said. She had never thought of having children herself, but was becoming intrigued.

  “Awww,” they said together.

  “You are both half demons,” Breanna said. “How much of a soul do you have?”

  “Which one?” Ted asked.

  “There’s a difference?”

  “For sure,” Monica said, mimicking Breanna.

  “Okay. How much does Ted have?”

  “A quarter soul,” the child responded. “Half of Mummy’s.”

  “And how much does Monica have?”

  “A half soul. Half of Mother’s.”

  Breanna pondered, then brightened. “I get it. You’re each half human, but Ted has a human father and Monica has a human mother. So Ted shared a half soul, and Monica shared a whole soul. Nada Naga’s soul must have regenerated after she gave half to Vore, before the stork arrived.”

  “Vore?” Pia asked.

  “My daddy’s Prince Demon Vore,” Monica said proudly.

  “D. Vore,” Breanna murmured. “He has a notorious appetite.”

  “So Monica has twice the conscience Ted does,” Pia said.

  The little girl scuffled her feet. “I can’t help it, you know.”

  “You sure can’t,” Breanna agreed. “Give me a hug, you darling creature.”

  “Okay.” Monica hugged her. Pia felt an unfamiliar twinge of envy. Not for the hug, so much as the joy Breanna evidently took in it. She evidently liked children.

  “Ugh!” Ted said, looking disgusted.

  “Now it’s my turn,” Pia said. “What mischief is making you two feel guilty?”

  Ted turned to Monica. “See? You gave it away.”

  Monica tried to resist, but it was evident that her extra burden of conscience was too much. “We found something,” she said reluctantly.

  “What?” Pia asked.

  “Nothing important,” Ted said.

  Pia looked at Monica.

  “But fun,” the girl said.

  “That could be anything from a stink horn to a basilisk,” Breanna muttered.

  “What’s a stink horn?” Pia asked.

  “I’ll get one!” Ted cried, and dashed off.

  “You don’t want it,” Breanna said. “Find out what they found.”

  “What is it?” Pia asked Monica.

  The girl slowly extended one hand. In it was a small glistening object.

  “Beware,” Breanna murmured. “It could be something disgusting, like a slime ball.”

  “What is it?” Pia repeated, realizing that the warning was serious. She knew that regular children could have fun with bugs and goop, and these were half demon children, surely worse.

  “A locket,” Monica said grudgingly.

  “Let me check it,” Pia said.

  The child handed it over. Pia inspected it. It was very light, only half an inch in diameter, on a silvery chain. She put her fingernail to the snap fastening.

  “Caution,” Breanna said.

  Yes. “Is there something bad inside?” Pia asked the child.

  Monica scuffled again, trying to resist her conscience. “No.”

  Pia opened it. Indeed, it was empty. “So what’s so special about it?”

  The fight against conscience intensified. The child seemed ready to cry.

  “Maybe some compromise,” Breanna said. “Dear, why don’t you want to tell us?”

  “Because you’ll take it and we won’t
have it.”

  “But it’s not dangerous, to you or us?”

  “Not,” the girl agreed.

  “Suppose we make you a deal. Tell us about it, and you can keep it.”

  “Okay!” Monica agreed gladly, holding out her hand.

  Pia gave her the locket.

  “It’s magic,” Monica said. “It holds all of anything.”

  “But it’s tiny,” Pia protested.

  “I’ll show you.” The child grabbed a handful of dirt and poured it into the open locket. The dirt went in and disappeared. She picked up a stone that was triple the locket’s diameter and crammed it in—and it fitted.

  “How do you get the things out again, if they have disappeared inside it?” Pia asked.

  “You just wish them out,” the child explained. “And you can wish them in, too, so what you have already doesn’t fall out when you want to add something. You don’t have to open it.”

  Ted dashed back. “Here’s the stink horn!” he called, holding out a horn-like object.

  There was a terrible smell, like a festering zombie whale with ballooning indigestion. But Breanna saved the day: she grabbed the horn and shoved it into the locket. Then Monica flipped the lid shut. The smell dissipated.

  “Awww,” Ted said, disappointed.

  “But we’ll have the stink horn for when we need it,” Monica told him.

  He brightened. “Yeah.”

  “But keep the locket closed, after this,” Breanna said. “We don’t want that horn falling into someone’s soup.”

  Both children went into titillations of mirth. They loved the idea of such an accident.

  “I hope we don’t regret this deal,” Breanna said. “But that locket is the kind of thing children can really have fun with. It doesn’t seem to weigh any more than it does empty.”

  “It doesn’t,” Monica agreed. “ ’Cause it’s magic. I told you.” She dashed off with Ted, intent on finding more choice items to collect.

  The adults resumed their walk. Edsel and Justin were waiting nearby, having their own dialogue.

  “Look, maybe it’s not my business—” Breanna said, pausing artfully.

  “Go ahead and ask,” Pia said.

  “I heard from Edsel that you two are married. But when you—”